Wednesday, October 29, 2014

How to be a Professional Artist

OMG the stupid people. Did I ever mention how much I hate the public? Working retail brought me to an understanding that 'The Public' is nothing but a seething mass of ignorant diseased human beings who will trample you to death the day after Thanksgiving.  If you survive the trampling, you will most certainly find yourself afflicted with the Flu, TB or Ebola.

These days everyone wants to be an artist and with the holiday season upon us I will undoubtedly hear hundreds of members of the 'The Public' explain to me in  mind numbing, excruciating detail  how their friend or family member is an 'Artist'!  Oooooh it so wonderful to stand there while they struggle to pull up some shitty image on  a crap cell phone. 'You can't see it too well, but I'm telling you she is Great! She won 3rd place with this pitcher in her Junior High Art show!" Then they insist on me pulling strings to try and and get their kid connected somehow to the art scene.

Here is how you become a REAL ARTIST:

1. Get at least a Bachelors degree in Painting, Ceramics, Printmaking, Sculpture etc.
   -Get good grades.
2. Show your work regularly in Professional Galleries or Museums around the country or world if possible. You must do One Solo Exhibition PER YEAR.
3. Create a new body of work each year.
4. Apply for grants.
5. Be active in the  professional art world for at least 5 years.
6. Update your resume'.
7. Have an active, updated website.

  If you can't do these simple things, then we have little to say to each other. You want the benefit of calling yourself an artist? Then start working at it and devote your life to it like the rest of us.

OK, OK I'll cut you a break. You MUST complete 6 of the above mentioned 7.  Otherwise, hit the bricks.